“Oh you must be spoiled.” How I hated hearing those words when I was younger! The presumption that I was spoiled, attention-seeking, easily distracted… all as a result of being the baby of the family, always got me so riled up. Indignant, I always thought, I was never that way. I was the one exception to the rule. As I have gotten older, and gained perspective, I see that yes, in some ways, I was spoiled. Especially as the youngest, AND only girl. I do seek attention from my friends and family. And yes, I am very easily distracted.
What Birth Order Says About You
Supposedly, last-borns share the following traits in common: they are people-oriented, tenacious, affectionate, uncomplicated.
Those in the middle apparently grew up feeling either squeezed or rootless are known for being: social, good at compromising, diplomatic, sometimes a bit secretive.
Firstborns tend to become very successful adults. Take a look at the traits they’re known for: leaders, aggressive, perfectionistic, organized, logical.
And only children can vary in personality traits, most taking on the qualities of a firstborn… while some adhere more to traits common to middles or last-borns.
Supposedly, sibling (and parent) interactions are quite literally, the foundation on which a child learns to relate to the world. Is it any wonder then, that birth order actually plays a role in determining parts of our personality? Here’s another interesting fact. Supposedly, personality isn’t the only thing affected by birth order. It affects our future relationships too.
Here’s where things get fun. Take a look at the descriptions below. Where do you, as a couple, stack up? Keep in mind, these are generalities…you may be a match made in heaven regardless of where you fit in the birth order spectrum. But in the meantime, take a sec to play matchmaker and see if the shrinks have picked you as their perfect pair.
Birth Order in Relationships
First born + First born = Power struggle. Blame it on each other’s perfectionistic, driven tendencies. For this power couple, finding ways to criticize less, and compromise more, can be a challenge.
First born + Middle Child = Paradox. The middle child’s secretive ways often befuddle the first born’s needs and ability to spout off. Communication is key here.
First born + Last Born = Bliss. According to research, the first-born female is best paired with the last-born male. Supposedly it has something to do with the fact that woman are nurturing, mothering types, and men need mothering. But this goes into some weird oedipal thing. Moving on.
Middle + Middle = Muddle. Two middle children might not communicate as effectively and spend their time avoiding any kind of conflict. Spending enough time cultivating outside friendships is big here too..since these people tend to be quite gregarious.
Middle + Youngest = A pretty good match. Apparently the middle child here won’t feel threatened by the babies of the family as they might be with overbearing first borns. So communication tends to be better. And since both tend to be social butterflies, there’s tons of opportunity to have fun.
Youngest + Youngest = Chaos! According to research, no one wants to take charge. Each wants the other to take care of them. Working on being a good listener and holding each other accountable can help the relationship, but overall, this one comes with giant red flags.
Only + Youngest = Rock-solid. This match apparently has great balance. The baby of the family will bring spontaneity and romance to the relationship while the only child will often help keep things grounded.
Of course, birth order is only one part of this giant mystery called love. Lifestyle, temperament, and this inexplicable thing known as chemistry play a huge role too. I know plenty of couples who are in the dreaded “youngest plus youngest” category who happen to make it work just fine. Humans categorize. It’s the simplest way to make sense of our big, scary, messed up world. So no matter who you are, or who you’re with, it’s truly what you make of it! To all the oldest born, middle children, youngest, twins, and onlys..here’s to finding (or keeping) your perfect mate!
Notes:
1. The New Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin Leman
2. Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives by Frank J. Sulloway
