This morning I was playing with my almost two year old. He was ducking behind this little house in his bedroom and saying “Where’s Ford? Where’s Ford, Mama?” Then it’s my turn to dutifully play my role and “find him” so I call out in a singsong voice, “I see you! I see you Ford!” He finds this game hilarious and he laughs hysterically and then starts the whole thing all over again. This morning as I was calling to him “I see you!” I was struck by the poignancy of that statement from a mother to her child.
When I was younger I had a pretty clear picture of what my children would be like. Then I had a baby and realized I had no idea what I was thinking because this little boy of mine came with his own personality that was so much better than anything I could have dreamed up. When I got pregnant with baby boy #2, since I had no other frame of reference I thought I was going to get the same personality with a different name. There are few things in life I’ve ever been so wrong about.
Where Jackson slept through the night immediately Sawyer wouldn’t go more than an hour in stretch. Where Jackson was cerebral and calm, Sawyer was a bruiser who wanted to rough house and tumble. Where Jackson could sit quietly and entertain himself, Sawyer had the energy of Jack Russell Terrier and wanted someone to interact with him as much as possible. Jackson is independent and self contained, Sawyer wants to hug, wants to play, wants to be friends with everyone he meets. They’re both funny, inherently kind, and a joy to us… but they’re totally different. Then along came Ford, who’s happy and giggly but also stubborn and adverse to bedtime. I’m positive that if we kept having babies each one would be different, the possibilities for personalities is endless. The possibilities for parenting different personalities is endless as well.
This can sometimes be challenging, when who you thought you’d be parenting turned out to be someone totally different. Dave, for example, was an incredible soccer player growing up and I know he thought his sons would follow in his footsteps. Jackson however, couldn’t be less interested in sports, it’s just not his thing. Rather than try and force something that wasn’t working we started to look into what was his thing… which led us to science class, and musical theater (this of course thrilled me since I was president of the drama club for as long as I can remember). It wasn’t precisely what Dave thought he’d be cheering on his son in, but Jackson loves it and it makes him feel great and that’s all we care about.
It’s not just interests either, their personalities play out in everything from diet to discipline. You can look at Jackson sternly and he’ll fall right in line, but Sawyer will battle you to the death rather than give in. This means that they have to be parented in different ways. I’m sure I could impose the same rules and regulations on each one. I could enroll them all in the same activities and manage them in the same ways to make it easier on us as parents. But I don’t think that’s what’s best for my kids. I think they deserve to be totally different people and so long as they’re good people I don’t care if they play the accordion, have a green mohawk or want to dress like a Star Wars character on weekends.
I think God gave me these babies to raise not so they would fit into some mold of what I thought a son should be, but because as their mother I’d accept them as they are. I call out, “I see you” to Ford across the nursery floor. It’s a simple game but something so much bigger, it’s a promise. I see you sweet boy, and I love you just as you are. ~Rachel
