It’s the most wonderful time of the year—the lights are twinkling, decorations are up, and snow is falling (depending on where you live). The holidays are a busy season with many people traveling to be with loved ones. While that time can be highly anticipated and beautiful for some, for others, this time of year can create anxiety.
You might feel a knot in your stomach or a sense of dread—and hey, that’s perfectly okay. No judgment here. You’re also not alone in those feelings. So many of us have complex relationships with family, which makes traveling home for the holidays a mixed bag. Here’s how to effectively set boundaries with family during the holidays while still enjoying your time.
Communicate and Set Expectations Clearly
The unique challenge about traveling home for the holidays is that everyone will have different expectations. It’s important to level set early on. By doing so, you ensure that there are fewer miscommunications and misunderstandings.
To set expectations, ask yourself these questions before you board the plane home:
- Do you need or want a ride from the airport?
- Where will you be staying during your time at home?
- Would you like to spend your entire time at home with your family? Would you like to set aside time for friends, your immediate family, or for alone time?
- Will you be home for every meal or are there certain days of the week when you will do your own thing?
- Will you get a rental car, plan to share a family member’s car, or just hitch a ride with family?
Of course, your family might not be happy with how you spend your time. But your job isn’t to manage their feelings or disappointments. It’s simply to communicate.
Budget for Family Time and Alone Time
Family time is the crux of the holiday season. So we totally understand why time with loved ones is a priority. While family time is essential, don’t forget to set aside time for yourself and your immediate family. Whether it’s time to exercise, going to your favorite local restaurants, or getting outside in nature to see the sights, planning time apart from your larger family can be a life saver during the holidays. It’s also a chance to check in with yourself and your immediate family and gauge how everyone is doing.
Plan For Separate Lodging
Okay, this might sound harsh, but sometimes, booking separate lodging from your family during the holidays can make a world of difference. Cozying up with 12 people and three bathrooms under the same roof might sound nice. But after day five, it might get a little overwhelming. Instead, figure out the best plan for yourself and your immediate family. Whether you book a hotel or a cozy AirBnB, prioritize your peace of mind. There is nothing wrong with staying separate from your family during the holidays. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Be Firm on What You Will and Will Not Discuss
One of the best boundaries you can set with family during the holidays is topics of discussion. There is nothing more awkward than sitting around the family dinner table and that one uncle or aunt (you know the one) asks a question that makes the room come to a sudden stop.
So why are you dating anybody yet? You’re too beautiful to be single. When are you going to have kids? Have you started trying? How have you been doing since the divorce? We never liked your ex that much anyway.
Before you head to the family dinner table, decide what topics are off limits. Yes, you get to decide what you will and will not share. If someone brings up an off-limits topic, you can respond gently with, “I’d prefer not to talk about that, but tell me what’s been going on with you.” You might also say, “I don’t have any updates there, but I have been traveling the country and really excelling in my career.”
Steer the conversation away from topics that you don’t feel comfortable divulging. Focus on the topics you want to share.
