When I heard about the book She Can Fly, and the incredible story behind it I so wanted the opportunity to share it with you readers. Domestic abuse isn’t a pretty topic. It isn’t fun, or sexy, or cool to talk about, but it is reality for millions of women in this country and so it’s something we should be talking about whether it’s comfortable to or not. I hope you’ll take a moment to read the first chapter of the memoir of Kerry Keyes, a survivor of domestic violence. I also hope you’ll take a moment to read a list the author created for us to help you identify the signs of an abusive relationship. If you or someone you know needs help, this website has information that can assist you. ~Rachel
She Can Fly by Michael G. Gabel
Chapter One
May 2010
St. Louis, MO
Kerry, age 61
I lined up my items on the conveyor. Ahead of me, a mid-forties couple watched the teenage checkout boy scan each barcode. Beep…bread…beep…milk…beep…eggs…beep…cookies —
“Wait a minute.” The man gripped the back of his wife’s arm. “I didn’t say you could get those. Put ‘em back.” His wife kept her head down. Large, black sunglasses covered her eyes.
As the checkout boy placed the box of cookies next to his register, he glanced up at me. Forgot to ask permission, I said to myself. You always ask permission.
I chewed the inside of my lip as I paid for my items. Then I wheeled my cart into the parking lot. The couple, a few spaces away, loaded the last of their bags into their trunk. I abandoned my cart in the middle of the row and hobbled across the hot asphalt. I headed straight for the woman.
I motioned to the fading bruise on her cheekbone. “I know what’s been happening to you.” The woman didn’t react. She stared into the trunk while her husband, a few feet away, went off.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. She was in an accident. Who the fuck are you anyways?”
His large frame swelled with anger, but I tuned him out. “I will help you,” I said to the woman. “You can get in my car. We can call the police. I have a spare bedroom.” The woman lifted her head. “Do you see me?” I said. I held my cane in one hand to support my crumpled body. “It’s not going to get better. He’s not going to get better. Trust me.”
The man stepped in between the woman and me. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He used his back to push me aside and cornered his wife. “You get in the car.” She obeyed. I scribbled down the license plate as the car peeled out of the parking lot.
“Did you see him hit her?” the young officer said when he arrived.
I shook my head. I was trying to keep it together. “You don’t understand — ”
The officer cut me off. “I do. Have you been abused?”
“I was trying to help.”
He placed his hands on my shoulders and waited for my full attention. “Don’t do that.” I looked at his face and recoiled. I’d seen him before. In Savannah. In Denver. In St. Louis. I tried to shimmy out of his grasp, but he held me still.
“You’re just going to get hurt again. Call us instead. If you call and say someone’s getting hurt, we’ll be there right away.” My shoulders dropped, I nodded, and then I began to cry.
As Kerry Keyes, the remarkable woman behind She Can Fly knows, domestic violence is a slippery slope. What starts with a slap and an excuse, can end up devastating your life in an absolute way. Kerry didn’t have the same resources available during her plight with cyclical abuse in the 70s and 80s, but through her own strength of will and the support of a just a few caring individuals she lived to tell the tale. And today she’s doing just that, so that other woman wont have to experience the suffering she endured.
While resources for victims have expanded, so have the tactics utilized by abusers. No longer are bruises and black eyes the only markings of a violent relationship. Far more insidious and invisible means of control are being employed. That’s what domestic violence boils down to after all: one partner controlling the other. And the means aren’t strictly physical. Here are four signs you or someone you know may be in an abusive relationship:
1. Your Partner Attacks You Verbally – Abusers prey on the emotional stability of their victims. By devaluing the actions of their partner without offering any sort of constructive criticism, they are able to systematically instill a sense of insecurity and low self-worth. Kerry vividly recalls being called “worthless” over and over. She began to believe it, and the subsequent feeling of helplessness prevented her from seeking safety.
2. Your Partner Tries to Isolate You From Others – A victim’s friends and family are a threat to the abuser’s control, but lies and physical separation can remove these support structures. Often an abusive partner will purposefully burn bridges and then dictate how much time their victim is allowed to spend with others. Before Kerry knew it, she was living in a different state and all ties with those people close to her had been severed.
3. Your Partner Controls You Financially – Money cannot buy happiness, but it can buy certain freedoms. Freedoms an abuser does not want their victim to have. By maintaing strict control of cash, credit cards and other monetary outlets, Kerry’s partner was able to ensure she never had the means to plan an escape.
4. Your Partner Controls You Sexually – Domestic violence lives behind closed doors, and bedroom doors are no exception. The forcing or withholding of sex in a relationship is a common means of intimidation and control. But marriage does not imply consent, and both partners are entitled to healthy sexual activity. In Kerry’s case, the children she had with her partner were the ultimate source of control. He knew it and used it against her whenever possible.
Photo Courtesy of Pilar Reflections
